Brain thinky no

I meant to write a celebratory post about how finally, after many weeks of waiting for phone-lines to be activated and waiting for the broadband to be activated, I have the internet at home. That's what I meant to do, but I'm so tired and ache-ridden that I can't think. Still, in the spirit of trying to remember to update this blog and not let it fall by the way-side as is my wont, I will relate the events of last night. [Edit: That's originally what this post was supposed to be, but it turned into a mammoth entry about the problems getting broadband since we moved. Gosh, I'm interesting.]

So, I recently purchased a wireless thingy from my broadband provider. This was mostly for GP, as my computer doesn't have wireless connection facilities and I was quite happy with my broadband modem. Still, I got it delivered while I still lived at the old house, and decided that I would set it up when we moved in.

Issue the first: when we moved in we had no phone-line. This was because the previous occupants of the house had had a phone/broadband package deal and hadn't bothered to cancel it when they left. We needed a specific provider to use our broadband (with no option of another because I get unlimited speed/download broadband through a package deal with my mobile phone operator) and it would take a week for them to clear the line and then re-activate it. Or so we thought.

Issue the second: Re-activating the phone-line (is phone-line hyphenated? I suddenly realised that I'm not sure) didn't take a week. The provider wrote us a lovely letter saying that it would, in fact, take two and a half weeks, but that they loved us and valued our custom.

Issue the third: We couldn't activate the broadband until the phone-line had been active for forty-eight hours. Since the phone-line was activated on a Friday, and the phone company didn't do whatever the net provider needed them to continue doing on weekends, this meant a five day wait (apparently Monday didn't count either). My question, stemming from utter utter ignorance of the workings of phone and broadband companies, is: what takes 48 hours? Surely your phone-line is done and dusted as soon as you pick up the receiver and hear that lovely dial tone? And why can't dial tones be more interesting?

Issue the forth: Once the phone-line was active for the requisite amount of time, and the broadband account re-activated for the new address, it apparently takes fifteen working days to start the broadband account? What? WHAT? THAT'S THREE WEEKS! At this point I unpacked the new wireless thingy and, although I didn't even look at connecting it to the computer, I did connect it to the phone-line and I turned it on once a day to check whether or not the connection was active yet via the pretty flashing lights on top provided for just such a purpose. Luckily, it only actually took two days, but still. Thanks for the mini heart attack, broadband provider.

Issue the fifth: Okay, lets recap. Phone-line active: check. Broadband connection active: check. So, imagine if you will, an internet starved geek getting very excited and putting the wireless modem set-up CD into her hard-drive. Wow, that kinda sounded like geek porn. "Put your CD into my hard-drive, baby! Yeah that really makes my RAM work!" or something. I probably got that all wrong: I know nothing about computers, which will become very evident. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Set-up CD in the hard-drive. Right. So, I'm following the on-screen instructions, and then I go to connect my computer to the wireless thingy. Apparently it goes in the network hole, so I get down on my hands and knees and look on the back of the PC for such a hole. There is no hole. (There is no spoon). Damn, damn, damn. Don't you just hate it when you get so close but something goes wrong?

Luckily, I remembered that I lived in a city now, and cities have things like PC stores that don't close till 8pm. I ran out the door and was half-way down the road when I realised that I'd forgotten the offending cable. I considered going on, but then realised my legendary failure to articulate my needs would probably mean that I'd come home with a new graphics card or some other improbable item, rather that what I actually needed. So, I trogged back up the hill (I hate hills) and retrieved the cable. I got to the store fairly soon after that and explained my plight to the nice man (who luckily did work there) who stopped me, presumably because I looked very, very lost. He understood immediately and took me to the aisle where the adapters should have been, but they were sold out. In that case, my only option was to by a thingy that I would have to open my computer to insert into a slot, and that would provide me with a network hole. After a few moments of panicked debate with myself, I decided to give it a go. So, sweatily clutching my new purchase in my hot little hands, I hot-footed it home.

When I got there, I un-connected everything from the computer and carried it carefully down-stairs. Then I examined the new thingy. It had words like 'Ethernet' (eh?) and sentences like 'Connect the NIC and the PC motherboard with the WOL cable (if adapter supports WOL fuction' (buh?) on it. I stared at it for quite a long time, but the words didn't even resemble sense. Still, I thought, the guy told me how to install it: how hard could it be? And you know what? It wasn't hard. Not even a little bit. I popped out the bit of metal, popped the card in and wam-bamma-jamma! Had broadband! (after, of course, I'd put it back together, carried it back up the stairs and re-connected everything). I still don't know what a single one of those words means, but I have broadband and that's all that matters. Now, we just have to put the CD into GP's computer and set up her wireless internet. Whose betting something's going to go wrong with that?